| [from the desk of Stickboy]
30 September 1999 Empyrean Bioscience, Inc. Re: Contraceptive-Prophylactic Gel Testing Dear Mr. Hayter: I hope this finds you well. I am writing to tell you I happened upon your Web site and was fascinated by your company and its products. Preventx, your sanitizing gel, is perfect for city-dwellers such as I who are forced to ride mass transit, walk down crowded city streets and cram themselves into crowded elevators. Let me tell you, the great unwashed are filthy. I must wash my hands about seventeen times a day. I spent some time on your site, and I came across an article from the Arizona Republic Business section dated 25 February 1999 regarding your new contraceptive and prophylactic gel, “Geda”. If I’m correct, Geda is a gel much like Preventx, but one women can insert into their vaginas with a “syringe-like plunger”. Am I also correct to assume they must also smear the gel on the labia majora and minora, and on the clitoris as well? Per the 21 September 1998 Business Week article posted on your site, I believe you are about to commence the Stage III testing of Geda at Duke University with students and other women residing in the Raleigh-Durham area. I would like inquire as to how the testing works. Do these women insert and smear the gel themselves, or will this be performed by clinicians? If the inserting and smearing is to be done by clinicians, then I wish to offer my services. I’ve smeared and inserted many substances and items into women’s vaginas, and I would relish the opportunity to assist you in this valuable and exciting trial. If the women participating in the study insert and smear the gel themselves, but must be supervised during this process, I’d be willing to work for Empyrean in this supervisory capacity. Also, let’s suppose a woman with no hands - or arms, for that matter – wishes to participate in the study, but she has hooks for hands and can’t insert the gel into her vagina or smear the gel on her labia and clitoris. Even though I’d only be supervising the inserting and smearing of the gel as performed by the other study participants, I’d be willing to take care of this particular participant’s inserting and smearing needs. I currently reside in San Francisco, but would be perfectly happy to relocate to Raleigh-Durham for the duration of the study, immediately if need be. I’ve attached my resume, and can provide excellent references. Email is the best way to reach me - stickboy@prettysure.com. I thank you for your time and attention, and I look forward to your immediate reply. Sincerely yours, Stickboy |